The Risley Orgy

Gather 'round children, and Pervy Uncle Andrew will tell you the story.

Back in the days of yore, there was an Orgy.
And lo, there were grapes and chocolate and pillows, and there was a burning of incense and a playing of Portishead.
And from on high, one of us brought a bottle and another a set of love dice and yea there was making out.
Verily I say unto you, there was even a little oral sex.

* * *

Some Historical Context

There have been two notable orgies in Risley's history (so far)
The first orgy was back in 94-95 or thereabouts.
The second orgy was in 99-00.
Generally, though, most people think of "The Orgy" as the 99-00 one. After all, it was officially Kommittee funded!

* * *

As seen in The Cornell Review (CU's mega-conservative newspaper):

Written by By Joseph J. Sabia Published 1/28/2002
In November 1999, Cornell University's Department of Campus Life was embroiled in a sex scandal. During that time, Cornell Review learned that resident advisors (RAs) organized a Roman orgy for residents using student funds. The orgy was held in a University dormitory and many witnesses claim that several instances of public sex--heterosexual and homosexual--took place. Due to the hesitancy of former Review editors, the story was not immediately run in our paper and the Cornell Daily Sun scooped us. Cornell Review followed with a story of its own one week later. The incident gained national media attention and won an Intercollegiate Studies Institute (ISI) award for Worst Campus Outrage of 1999. As of January 2002, no one at Cornell University has issued a formal apology for the orgy. No fundamental reform of RA selection has occurred. In short, there is nothing to prevent such an incident from ever happening again.

Below appears the original text of the breaking story, penned by me in November 1999. This is the first time that it has been publicly released.

A Campus Life sponsored program in Risley Hall was the site of public homosexual and heterosexual sex, Cornell Review has learned. According to two eyewitnesses at this University-funded "orgy theme" event, at least three individuals participated in acts of oral sex.

Resident Advisor (RA) Ariana L. Moore organized the event, which took place on Friday night, November 12, 1999 in the Risley Hall music room. According to several Risley residents, the program was advertised to the community as a sensual massage event. Witnesses indicate that the activities of the program went well beyond massages.

One Risley resident present at Moore's program, who wishes to remain anonymous, told Cornell Review that the atmosphere of the event was "very orgyesque." He stated that "the lights were very dim and incense was being burned for atmosphere." Strawberries and grapes were also available for residents to eat. Following an initial period of milling around, residents were paired off to give each other massages. A game of "love dice" was also played. According to the anonymous witness, three dice were used in this game. One die had a body part on each of its six sides, another contained an action on each side, and the third contained a length of time. All three dice were rolled for a pair of students and if, for example, the outcome were "ear," "neck," and "30 seconds," one partner would place her ear against her partner's neck for 30 seconds.

According to two witnesses, it was during the "love dice" game that three individuals began engaging in oral sex. When asked about her supervision of the "orgyesque" program, RA Moore told Cornell Review, "I was present the entire time." The evidence of public sex is substantial. In addition to the first witness, a second witness, who also wishes to remain anonymous, Cornell Review editor Brian Fiske in a face-to-face interview that she "looked in and saw people were having oral sex." Moreover, the participants in the public sex bragged about it to residents following the event. RA Moore, who admits that she never left the room, did nothing to intervene.

News of the sexual activities at a Campus Life sponsored program spread like wildfire through Risley. Sharp divisions occurred in the dormitory as to whether public orgies were appropriate. Further controversy developed over whether protection was used by those engaging in public sex. Some of this controversy spilled over onto the public listserve RISLEYHALL-L. On Thursday, November 18th, Risley resident Andrew Klein made the following statement concerning the events:

"Alright…I've been hearing all about this controversy and such from mad peeps and I can't understand what the fuss is about. I was down in the "love grotto" for about 10-15 minutes observing and I thought it was very entertaining (until some dude tried to give me a purple-nurple…that wasn't cool :-P)."

Despite the overwhelming evidence, Moore told Cornell Review that nothing happened. However, following a telephone interview with a senior Review editor, Cornell Review has learned that Moore made a frantic telephone call to a fellow resident advisor to whom she admitted that condom use was "optional." Moreover, following her interview with this newspaper, Moore spoke with Residence Hall Director (RHD) Michelle Warner, to whom she deferred all further comment.

To date, Cornell University has issued no official statement on the matter. No action has been taken against Moore or any other employee in the Department of Campus Life. Sources tell us that the University just wants this issue to fade away.

* * *

How the Orgy led to the "RisElite"

(Pervy Uncle Andrew's story, continued)

The morning following, on the wall opposite the doors to the Room of Music and the Room of Laundering, there was a large piece of paper on which all Risleyites might inscribe their comments regarding the Orgy. It was started by one of those who had been in opposition to Porn Night the year before. Or had it been not started by this fellow, it included a message by him whose gist was: "Lo, I find it sickening that the general tone set by the building is done by some sort of Risley Elite -- a minority that speaketh for the majority," implicating not only the RAs who were in charge of the Orgy, but also my group of friends. So, there was much writing on pens on this sheet of paper, much of it silly.

Okay, enough of the stilted writing. It's early in the morning and I have to start doing Old English soon.

We later decided that if Mr. Asshole wanted a Risley Elite, we would give him a Risley Elite and just name our (rapidly-expanding) group The Risley Elite. We originally made it part of The International Jewish Conspiracy and gave ourselves imaginary titles (I was Minister of Offense). This was mostly the people who started the tradition (does it still occur?) of sitting in the back corner of the dining hall, namely the group of people who gravitated toward the three of us who started the Probe (2nd East publication). Of course, after a few weeks, we stopped being the nucleus as others joined rapidly (Erin, Dana, Nate, Dale, Syd, Elena, Josh, Big Tall Scary Matt, Aleksey, Beth, Jeremy, and likely many others I unintentionally left out). The conversations were so good at this table. Matt would persistently BREAK Ari's mind, Andrew would disgust Dale, Emmanuel would offend the freshmen, Aleksey would gesticulate wildly, Erin would cackle, Shira would sing... And of course, Nate would tell old stories, histories, some of which would be completely made up, but we would know no better. We were never (nor have we ever been) any sort of exclusive group. In fact, in the beginning, about the only requirement for joining was just becoming a friend, which was pretty easy as our social scene was, for the majority of the time, spent eating in the corner and watching the Simpsons and faking orgasms in various dining halls. And we were (and are) friendly people. Erin started the mailing list so that the group of us (probably around 20 by this time) had an easy way of coordinating gatherings w/ one another.

As the years progressed, so did the membership on the RisleyElite mailing list as more people became our friends and friends of friends, and the list moved from being a logistical planner sort of thing to just another list-serv where a group of people forward each other stupid shit and make announcements that can get to their friends even after they've been kicked off of the listserv for current students.

So, there you go. Not Elite save for in mocking name.

-Rev. A.