2nd East: Home of the "Second East Probe," a darling, patently-offensive piece of literature printed out by the hallway as a whole.

Rev. Andrew's Story:
In the fall of 1998, I was a freshman and sharing room 224 in Risley Hall with Rich. We looked at our window one day and had (approximately) the following conversation.

Me: Hey, Rich. Come check out this bird shit on the window. I think it looks like something. Rich: It kinda looks like a face.
Me: Yeah, it does, doesn't it? A face in profile.
Rich: Sure. There's the chin, there's the nose.
Me: And what's that above his eyes? Oh my god ... a crown of thorns!
Rich: Holy shit!
Me: Exactly. Birdshit Jesus!

It was clear what I had to do. I became a prophet of the Birdshit Jesus and established The Church of the Most Holy Excrement. I took pictures of it (which we loving called the BSJ) with my very primitive 1- or 2- megapixel digital camera (fancy technology for 1998!) and set up a webpage for it on Geocities, complete with a cloud background, animated gifs of angels and doves and a tacky MIDI "Jesus Christ Superstar" that played loudly whenever you opened the page. I had a testimonials page set up as well as a guestbook. (Sadly the webpage is no more, but there is one webpage still up where I signed the guestbook— I would go around to other tacky Christian websites and sign their guestbooks to try to drum up traffic to my own page.) I think I even had a page set up with parodied Bible passages from the appropriate books— Deudeuteronomy, Leshiticus, John—and a hate mail page wherein I'd post the nasty emails I got and respond to them with the authority granted me by being a prophet of the BSJ. It was good times.

Shortly after establishing the C of the MHE (or maybe it was before— my memory of the timeline is hazy), I got myself ordained at the Universal Life Church, thus making myself "Reverend Prophet Andrew." When I moved out of that room a year later (and the rain had eventually washed away the BSJ— which, I might add, hung around for an unexpectedly long time, likely because it was under the overhang of the building), I dropped the "prophet" from my name and just became "Reverend Andrew" or "Rev. Andrew" or "The Rev" for the rest of my time in Risley. The Church of the Most Holy Excrement's website shriveled up and died and now exists pretty much only in a few jpegs on my other computer, buried in some file somewhere.


Go to the end of the hall and turn around.
Room 224 to your right.
Turn to your right.
Turn to your left.